10-07-2025, 09:11 PM
For a rushed piece, I found this very moving. Though, maybe in the second stanza, you could move the words around so they had more emotional weight. I'm bad at explaining, but I mean something like this:
"i love it, i hate it,
i urge to change it,
artificially,
superficially,
for the eyes of the
beholder."
And, in this stanza, does the beholder mean your lover? Or someone else? And, like someone else mentioned, the rivers and hills metaphor doesn't really make sense to me, though maybe I'm the dumb one
. Also (I might be word vomiting but I keep noticing other things to mention lol) the last stanza was like a breath of fresh air for me. Overall, amazing job and I wish you well in all your work.
"i love it, i hate it,
i urge to change it,
artificially,
superficially,
for the eyes of the
beholder."
And, in this stanza, does the beholder mean your lover? Or someone else? And, like someone else mentioned, the rivers and hills metaphor doesn't really make sense to me, though maybe I'm the dumb one
. Also (I might be word vomiting but I keep noticing other things to mention lol) the last stanza was like a breath of fresh air for me. Overall, amazing job and I wish you well in all your work.