10-18-2025, 10:13 PM
Your command of language and structure is on great display here. I'm not sure if the rhyming scheme was on purpose, or if it's purposeful to make us wonder if it is. Either way well done! the piece flows nicely and has a very pointed and punchy meter, which fits well with the message. My only concerns is that the last line feels a little flat, and I apologize for not having a suggestion. I would also reconsider the title. It's a bit misleading and doesn't fit the message and amotion of the piece. Again, sorry I don't have any suggestions for that either.