Loneliness

[wizzpower]

for writing something like this trying to express this raw emotion. more modern succint language is probably needed. you can also go the other way and use more metaphors, imagery more complex language. imo the simple one done right is just better 

some of the repition feels quite cliche. sounds abit like rambling so try not to go there right. try and create progression somewhere. this is just my opnions 
so i may be very wrong