2 hours ago
Hey there, nice poem! Leaving some feedback as bullets if that's okay:
- Is "blowing in the breeze" meant to be the title or a standalone line? Could work lovelily as a title given the Dylan reference
- The opening hook can be a bit stronger, "we watch it on TV" feels a little too ordinary IMHO
- Same applies for "...hopes and dreams", try tweaking it to create some surprises in the language! e.g. "turn names to rubble" + also it kind of loses the almost percusive texture you created in the line above ""Drones and bombs and men of war"
- I love the little nod to Dylan in the start of S2!
- Is "blowing in the breeze" meant to be the title or a standalone line? Could work lovelily as a title given the Dylan reference
- The opening hook can be a bit stronger, "we watch it on TV" feels a little too ordinary IMHO
- Same applies for "...hopes and dreams", try tweaking it to create some surprises in the language! e.g. "turn names to rubble" + also it kind of loses the almost percusive texture you created in the line above ""Drones and bombs and men of war"
- I love the little nod to Dylan in the start of S2!