Today, 05:30 AM
I haven't been back for the new edits and after the third edit I've been meaning to comment on all the improvements. The third edit clarifies without overexplaining itself, which is indicated by the return to "Mawmaw" instead of leaving "her mother". And I love the changes made in stanza 2, sounds delicious.
"December's chill brought..." is landing kinda flat for me. Something along the lines of "inspired" in lieu of "brought" would carry more movement imo.
Hardanger is a welcome detail.
"Revived" is a nice change from "dove". Gives the reader a good sense of the recipe's importance even if the previous line might already allude to that importance. Goes to show how crucial verbs are and the ones we choose.
"December's chill brought..." is landing kinda flat for me. Something along the lines of "inspired" in lieu of "brought" would carry more movement imo.
Hardanger is a welcome detail.
"Revived" is a nice change from "dove". Gives the reader a good sense of the recipe's importance even if the previous line might already allude to that importance. Goes to show how crucial verbs are and the ones we choose.