3 hours ago
Hi Jon, like the others, I liked a lot about this poem. I’ve given quite a subjective response to some of its meaning, but I hope it matches some of your intentions and will give you a sense of the effect created in one reader at least. There is a sparseness to the imagery, which works well, especially as the most detailed image is the ‘dim birds pecking at the sill’, which strongly evokes barrenness too.
You set out over fresh snow I like the intentionality of ‘set out’, implies some slight jeopardy too
in the not-yet-morning.
The silent hemlocks stood aside. I like the personification here—could it evoke some of the residents of the house who are left behind?
Powder crumbled underfoot. I think ‘crumbled’ is effective as the onomatopoeia—is ‘crumbling’ silent? It’s ambiguous. This links well with the last stanza’s ‘nothing’ + ‘sound of snow’—the sound of snow there could be silent, giving the sense something or someone is stalking the one who’s left the house. Also ‘stood aside’, ‘crumbled’ and ‘giving way’, all evoke a sense of passive, yielding onlooking, so they work well together.
Under a crowd of waiting stars, the light and loftiness evoked by the stars could be a bit out of place here? The rest of the stanza is confined, dulled and ominous.
you left the house sleeping.
Father remained in a dark window,
dim birds pecking at the sill. I very much like the connotations of hunger and neglect created by this line. Also the dimness of the birds really dovetails well with the poem’s repeated allusion to passivity and quietism, which is emphasized again by the ‘house sleeping’, and then forebodingly contrasted by the vigilant ‘Father’ in his ‘dark window’.
Your breath ghosted the darkness ‘ghosted’ breath to mean the vapour that goes before the subject, but also foreshadows his fate potentially
before you.
Behind you, nothing—
save the sound of snow very good ‘save’ and its connotations of salvation, juxtaposed with the ominousness of the snow giving way
giving way.
You set out over fresh snow I like the intentionality of ‘set out’, implies some slight jeopardy too
in the not-yet-morning.
The silent hemlocks stood aside. I like the personification here—could it evoke some of the residents of the house who are left behind?
Powder crumbled underfoot. I think ‘crumbled’ is effective as the onomatopoeia—is ‘crumbling’ silent? It’s ambiguous. This links well with the last stanza’s ‘nothing’ + ‘sound of snow’—the sound of snow there could be silent, giving the sense something or someone is stalking the one who’s left the house. Also ‘stood aside’, ‘crumbled’ and ‘giving way’, all evoke a sense of passive, yielding onlooking, so they work well together.
Under a crowd of waiting stars, the light and loftiness evoked by the stars could be a bit out of place here? The rest of the stanza is confined, dulled and ominous.
you left the house sleeping.
Father remained in a dark window,
dim birds pecking at the sill. I very much like the connotations of hunger and neglect created by this line. Also the dimness of the birds really dovetails well with the poem’s repeated allusion to passivity and quietism, which is emphasized again by the ‘house sleeping’, and then forebodingly contrasted by the vigilant ‘Father’ in his ‘dark window’.
Your breath ghosted the darkness ‘ghosted’ breath to mean the vapour that goes before the subject, but also foreshadows his fate potentially
before you.
Behind you, nothing—
save the sound of snow very good ‘save’ and its connotations of salvation, juxtaposed with the ominousness of the snow giving way
giving way.