2 hours ago
Hi Bunny,
A lot of this worked for me. You could argue that ‘never changing’ is a bit redundant, as it means essentially the same thing as the line before it. But, given that the lines are about a person who never changes, I’m all for it.
Should the question mark come after ‘Always so dark and sad’? And should there be question marks after each stanza?
I like how you’ve sought to answer the question in the first stanza. You do this by pointing to flux in nature. You also gesture towards an answer by reminding the reader of brightness among the dark, and of the presence of these planetary bodies—and what they represent—alongside the person addressed, no matter how lonely he or she feels.
Could you add a bit more detail to some of the ideas in your poem? For example, how and why should the change that nature represents comfort people? I think you’ve already begun to do this by suggesting that the person addressed is, in some sense, always accompanied. But could you explore further how that works? Is there a relationship between how dark the night is and how bright the moon shines, for example?
I enjoyed the simplicity of the ‘dark and sad’ next to the images of the setting sun and shining moon.
A lot of this worked for me. You could argue that ‘never changing’ is a bit redundant, as it means essentially the same thing as the line before it. But, given that the lines are about a person who never changes, I’m all for it.
Should the question mark come after ‘Always so dark and sad’? And should there be question marks after each stanza?
I like how you’ve sought to answer the question in the first stanza. You do this by pointing to flux in nature. You also gesture towards an answer by reminding the reader of brightness among the dark, and of the presence of these planetary bodies—and what they represent—alongside the person addressed, no matter how lonely he or she feels.
Could you add a bit more detail to some of the ideas in your poem? For example, how and why should the change that nature represents comfort people? I think you’ve already begun to do this by suggesting that the person addressed is, in some sense, always accompanied. But could you explore further how that works? Is there a relationship between how dark the night is and how bright the moon shines, for example?
I enjoyed the simplicity of the ‘dark and sad’ next to the images of the setting sun and shining moon.