Do you?
#6
(04-26-2026, 01:59 AM)sad_bunny Wrote:  Do you? 

Do you ever wonder why
The sun sets and the moon shines?
But you stay the same
Never changing 
Always so dark and sad.

Do you ever think about how
The moon can be just as bright
Even on the darkest night.

Does it ever cross your mind
That maybe you’re not alone 
In this thing called life.

Hiiii!! 
First critique..
I feel like S1 and S2 is lacking depth in description. I can tell this poem is supposed to be very emotive, yet this symbolism/motif of the relationship of the sun and the moon doesn't hint towards anything descriptive that readers can relate to. This could be taken in two perspectives in my opinion, either the sun and the moon can reflect the distanced, disconnected relationship of these two individuals  -- or this could be symbolising this persons change in behaviour and humanity. 
There are a lot of descriptive words you can use to replace the use of 'dark', just because the poem is a bit simple and I believe you should use unique words to express and invoke those emotions to your audience.
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Messages In This Thread
Do you? - by sad_bunny - 04-26-2026, 01:59 AM
RE: Do you? - by Stan - 04-26-2026, 10:00 PM
RE: Do you? - by sad_bunny - Yesterday, 02:43 AM
RE: Do you? - by wasellajam - 04-27-2026, 08:35 PM
RE: Do you? - by JohnS - 04-29-2026, 06:56 PM
RE: Do you? - by aaminarrh - 11 hours ago



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