1 hour ago
(9 hours ago)Magpie Wrote: From NaPM and I think I still like it so...Hi Magpie,
Katka
I once loved a girl from Slovakia, implied
as rugged as the Tatras
she swirled with Slavic snow. like?
She called me miláčik,
"let's fly to Praha and twirl
beneath gothic spires"
So past the saints
Baroque on the bridge
we bumbled around
cobbled Bohemian streets
until we found ourselves
next to the astronomical clock. could cut whole stanza
"They blinded the maker" you told me;
as skeleton death struck the hour,this
"cities make me tired, I'm going home." this stanza too
In Slovak mountains
we walked onto frozen lakes
and you taught me the words
for icicle and rainbow. this is really good.
One day we found
a blind dog
in a snow storm
walking in circles.
We took him back
to help him get warm
but he died and you said,
"Life makes me tired, I'm going home."
Generall, I think this is a great poem. I would recommend some revisions in the middle as I indicated above.
Thanks for the read,
bryn