Yesterday, 07:35 PM
(Yesterday, 01:00 PM)sodatabbed Wrote: I wish I had more memories of nature to draw uponI believe it should be "fewer" butterflies.
But there are less butterflies now
And it was too hot to go outside.
As a child, I chose
Binoculars and a microscope as my prize
For all those long days
Doing math problems indoors
With these instruments in my hands,
I looked about,
and realized I had nothing around me with which to make music.
I sat back down in my chair
And continued reading notes instead,
As my tongue prodded the gap in my gums,
Where a tooth used to be.
Hello everyone, this is my first time posting in the Pen (and in fact, my first presenting a poem to critique, period). I chose a smaller one to start out, and posted here in the Basic Critique Forum since I'm a beginner to all this, but please feel free to critique as thoroughly as you like if you have the time to spare! I'm eager to learn and improve.
Capital letters at the beginning of each line (except one) is a bit confusing, although I realise this form is often used.
I'm not too sure what the poem is expressing. The reference to fewer butterflies seems irrelevant, you could go from the first line to "but it was too hot etc...." Unless there is some significance I'm completely missing.
Seems to be a good poem in here but, to my simple mind, the meaning is obscure.
Write on!

