Greenware

[RiverNotch]

Greenware


Deprived of contact, blessed be the cold
damp dark---an inner warmth has been renewed Up to "damp dark" is a very full image.
before the setting heat and gentle hold Echoing the previous critique, "hold" doesn't feel quite right, but I have no idea what the possible alternatives could be, considering the form.

of humankind was felt and misconstrued
as knowledge of the self. I am no more First sentence: I get a similar thought as the previous critique. Here maybe it'd be useful to distinguish between knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, because somehow I do think to know others is to know oneself, just as one could be so stellar a student of Shakespeare yet so inept with their personal matters at the same time---that is, one could have much knowledge yet little wisdom. So maybe rather than "knowledge of the self", better to say something closer to "wisdom"? "and misconstrued / as judgement founded well"? "as wisdom practical"? You can probably think of something better.
abandoned than the grief that I subdued, "I am no more abandoned than the grief that I subdued" is so darn fresh.

so eager to reverberate in lore
by my collapse that I could not conceive Not quite getting the sense here. "so eager to reverberate in lore by my collapse"? "to reverberate in lore" makes sense to me, as in "to sound off much poetry" or "to be famous for my work", but not quite sure how it should relate to "my collapse", or even what "collapse" here actually means. The next line might be a hint---"previous being" referring to the earth, "collapse" thus referring to one passing back into the earth---but maybe "by my collapse" could be reworded, choosing sharper synonyms both for "by" and "collapse".
my previous being as a distant shore.

Creation seeks creation, seeks to grieve
that memory beyond the fading mind,
yet slow deforming offers no reprieve Slight repunctuation. Another stanza with a very stellar sense.

from questioning the gentle hand's unkind
forsaking of believers it designed. This feels a little incomplete, not in thought necessarily but in form. Usually terza rima ends with an ABAB quatrain, not an AA couplet, and everything else is so polished---the overall sentiment, too, is so full---that the sudden shift in form feels less like a deliberate choice and more like the author struggled to think up two extra lines. Hopefully you manage to "complete" this.