4 hours ago
(5 hours ago)wasellajam Wrote:Thanks Ella, I wanted to keep the English language format of 5,7,5.(7 hours ago)JohnS Wrote: spun with silver thread,Beautiful image, poor fly. You might look at
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see
pearls of dew
silver thread -
the fly doesn't see
and see if it still works
(4 hours ago)dukealien Wrote:Thanks very much Duke.(7 hours ago)JohnS Wrote: spun with silver thread,As a bit of a spider-fancier, I give this full marks. Wondering about the em dash: I think it's correct, there's more than just pearls the fly's compound eyes miss.
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see
I think the em-dash is ok, according to my research.
I had alternative last lines: "the fly never sees", "the fly bejewelled" or "dead fly bejewelled".
(4 hours ago)busker Wrote:Thank you Busker.(7 hours ago)JohnS Wrote: spun with silver thread,Excellent, even follows the 5-7-5
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see

