05-30-2026, 01:08 AM
At first, my apologies if my lack of critique skill is not at the level of others. I hope I’m not swimming out of my element. That being said, I’ve seen other references, but the “it’s” don’t bother me. This entire poem so interestingly pulls of a surreal string of memory. ‘It’s’ (see what I did there? Heh) structure forces the reader to take it very slowly or risk becoming derailed. But what’s excellent about it is that risk is near completely transformed when read aloud. Obviously poetry is the sort of thing to be read and spoken. But the choices of where to pause and what words to pause upon I like. All has a feeling of a mind remembering, a shaky contemplation. Also, “The hills were wearing drag again” is one of my favorite descriptors. Yes, the ending is great also. But I enjoyed that line on the hills and “My mind went radio” as one of the helpful ‘focusing’ descriptors to keep the reader into ‘familiar feeling’ territory. Grounding, in the middle of this stream. I hope it’s not too unhelpful on my end to not have any sort of negatives, or more ‘line by line’ type intensity. But when one genuinely enjoys the read, then re-read, then read aloud, what else could be said? I was extremely pleased being taken along for the ride.