6 hours ago
Quote:Thank you so much! I do also think "sparks joy" is a bit cliche so was looking into a different way of phrasing that. You're definitely right about the "authorial confidence". The demo brings so much more to the poem and makes it sound a lot more professional. Also love the split of lines and stanzas so I'll be working on that. I'm quite pumped to edit this into a better poem now!
Cheers m8, here's another model I return to oh so often. Great example IMO of using a confident, bold voice to elevate simple musings:
CHARLES SIMIC
by Charles Simic
Charles Simic is a sentence.
A sentence has a beginning and an end.
Is he a simple or compound sentence?
It depends on the weather,
It depends on the stars above.
What is the subject of the sentence?
The subject is your beloved Charles Simic.
How many verbs are there in the sentence?
Eating, sleeping, and fucking are some of its verbs.
What is the object of the sentence?
The object, my little ones,
Is not yet in sight.
And who is writing this awkward sentence?
A blackmailer, a girl in love,
And an applicant for a job.
Will they end with a period or a question mark?
They’ll end with an exclamation point and an ink spot.
(from Return to a Place Lit by a Glass of Milk, 1974)