Phantom Limb (v5)

[matsunosuperfan]

bump for reviz :3

I will add more later but for now - the lines are too long for proper poetry which, in the classic sense is to be read aloud.  A single human breath comfortably extends to 7 feet barely though more comfortably to less than 6 and perfectly to 5.  It is just too awkward to read aloud with these long lines so I am left to either stop mid line for breath or read silently in my head but, even there, my inner voice insists on pauses that arent in the text. ::Shrug::

Thanks Milo, very good crit. I've tried again with this in mind...