Intersection With Unborn Child

[matsunosuperfan]

Hello

This poem has become more interesting to me recently . .  as a coincidence.  First the title - intersection with an unborn child - upon future readings, this becomes very important but either way, it is interesting enough to draw a reader in and offers the double meaning.  In this case, we get a physical intersection as well as a "paths crossing".  Unborn usually refers to a child that has not been born  - 'yet' - but will be born eventually.  I am not sure as the poem refuses to resolve later but I believe that not to be the case - either the child is dead or close to it before we meet it.

Intersection With Unborn Child

What is time
to you now,
little soul? Are you behind

the bright unblinking eye
of this fat crow
nursing a heel of bread

So . . . I am not personally a fan of the overly short line breaks - I think i see what your intent is - creating double meanings and ambiguities but the problem I have when there are too many short line breaks is either the reading itself becomes hurky-jerky or I gloss right through them and the effect is lost entirely.  The 'What is time . . " as a rhetorical device is fine though it is not really developed properly through the poem and little soul seems to establish the "unborn" part.  the unblinking eye of this fat crow nursing a heel of bread is our first image and it is th emost effective part of the poem.  Crows are common poetic devices for both corssings and death - it is fat, it has been feeding a lot - on what?  So, a heel of bread is what is left over after the bread, the remains of what could be.  Nursing - obvious reference to babies again.  This is all pretty good.

I watch so long
I lose track of myself, missing
the small red hand

that means it’s safe
to cross? Good people
come over to watch me

The red hand of a crossing usually signifies it is not safe to cross but in this case it signifies it is which took me out  a little but not too much.  The corresponding little red hand of a preemie or unborn child is earned not forced, no issues here.  missing as a line break would normally signify a person missing someone as well as missing the traffic signal but because of the short lines it really never gets to add weight.

watch the windows
all night long, blow kisses
to the wind. With love

they warn me
not to waste my life
looking for signs, you

who I can always find
between my ribs
and the stars.

This second half is not as strong as the first.  We are reverting to well trod poetic imagery - stars, looking for signs, waste my life, etc.  I had thought on the initial read the N might be a female as they are looking for a missing life between their ribs but - shrug - nothing ever really resolves which is fine.  I prefer the concrete imagery of the first half myself but, overall it is a strong poem

Thanks

I share your feelings on the short line; this is a pretty big departure from typical form for me. great notes; thanks for reading <3