Consciousness Entering the Room

[wasellajam]

Hi, an enjoyable read that rings true. For me it could use some reworking, I have some notes:

I think some people miss each other
by fractions, not oceans
or years–
Great opening, I love fractions/oceans/years, provokes thought about quantities.

not dramatic misunderstandings
from films

Just small alterations
I don't think the poem would suffer from losing "just films". If you want to keep that thought you might replace dramatic with cinematic and move the next line up.

A sentence said differently

Too much eye contact
or not enough

Someone laughs harder than usual
because for a moment I'm not sure you need this line.
they forget to monitor themselves This line does a lot of heavy lifting. There may be a title involving "monitor" or in some rewording of your final line.

Someone beautiful believes
they are difficult to love
This common thought needs to be said in a more interesting way.

Someone ordinary
mistakes ease for impossibility
I'm still having trouble parsing ordinary/ease/impossibility but it may yet click for me.

I keep thinking about that girl from junior high
Possibly something like That girl from junior high lurks or hovers or something else to condense this line a bit.

How easy it was
to exist around her

I had already decided
nothing would happen

So my personality moved freely
Like a dog let off a leash
Strong two lines.

I said stupid things

Interrupted myself

Told stories that wandered nowhere

I never edited my laughter Possibly My laughter unedited.
into something more acceptable
These five lines describe the friend zone well but I wonder if you could find a way to condense them.

And because of that
she met me
Might condense into So she met me

Not the version arranging silverware
inside his mind trying to be seen
Arranging silverware is an interesting way to look at it.

Just me

Or at least
the closest thing to it
Not sure you need these lines.

I did not understand then
that attraction sometimes grows best
in rooms where nobody is trying to earn it
A strong summation but I wonder if I would get there myself through the poem above.

I wonder how many people
have unknowingly sat beside the love of their life

At bars

In classrooms

Near vending machines

In the ten quiet minutes before work begins

...but convenience intervened

or shame

or somebody became aware
of themselves too early

Maybe that is all heartbreak really is–
I'm not convinced of the word "heartbreak" here

consciousness entering the room
Lovely line.

I hope something here helps a bit, please don't forget to leave feedback for someone else. Thanks for posting.