Comets

[alonso ramoran]

Hey matsuno,

A lovely piece. I take this as about a friend group where one of them had tragically died in a car crash b/c of drinking. The purpose behind the title "Comets" has yet to dawn on me. More thoughts below though.

Comets

God was drunk and sideways
and the moon a swollen olive nice image. After some rereads I can't quite work out who "god" is. Kit would be my first guess, but i could be completely wrong. or maybe god is just intended to be some drunken creator in this instance. there are lots of us from what I've heard.
soaked in drugstore gin when Danny stopped love the whimsy of this, drugstore gin is immersive
and pointed at the sky. It was an unimpressive bird,
a juvenile, we figured, from how its skinny cries sounded
more wounded deer than death. We sized each other up
the way a wall confronts a fender. Kit plucked a flower,
ducked behind a rosebush to throw up. A dozen years what do you think of using an em dash here instead of a period?
before Danny got married and divorced himself i appreciate what the speaker is doing here with marriage/divorce but it could confuse some readers without good cause. danny got married to alcohol and jesus? or he found an actual partner and went cold turkey?
from alcohol and Jesus, before any witness what if, period after Jesus?
had to find warm words to scatter this sentence lost me at first but after some rereads im sure this was a tacked on clause to provide some context to the whole scene illustrated beforehand.
over Kit’s cold body. I don’t remember
where we’d been, where any of us was
headed. The sky went on forever, someone
must have asked for Heaven. That barn owl heard us
calling all night long, every last word. These last lines are beautiful. The double meanings behind each line weave into each other effortlessly and the reference to heaven calls back to god in the first line.

Thank you for sharing.