Atlantics

[matsunosuperfan]

Wow, great skill and command. This is really impressive work! I am a little letdown by the ending as it feels too much like "ah, let us end now." Otherwise, few complaints. It's an authoritative voice with a lot of provocative declarations on offer. OK, I wouldn't mind a bit more tactile imagery but now I'm asking for truffles on my fries. 

You could read this aloud and I don't know how many listeners would even clock the sestina form. Smooth.

Thanks for the feedback. What complaints? I was looking for chance places to add some imagery. Wouldn't mind going back to the kitchen for those truffles.

If I must--

What wounds have I, to accept

that there is no cowardice to be betrayed
in what I ponder? Just grief that we’re born heaving
with, before we’re lulled to rest?

I feel like we lose our grip on the voice a bit here, briefly slipping into a less articulated, more straightforward kind of philosophical musing that makes me kinda wrinkle my nose. The chasms of sunk lullaby memories feels a bit melodramatic in juxtaposition. 

I think from "I cannot rest" to the end you can be more ambitious and do something more formally satisfying than to just have the speaker give a synopsis.