A Sketch
#9
(Yesterday, 07:41 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  Thanks again for the feedback.

RE milo, Wait, really? The only variations from "strict" IP in the first chunk are initial trochaic inversions (very common, eg 'Batter my heart three person'd God' or 'Now is the winter of our discontent') and feminine endings.

If I contort my way of natural reading I can force most of it to read IP - I honestly didn't even know you were shooting for that:

inDEED asYOUNG eLIa wasinFORMED - this is how I would read this first line, now if I promote WAS I can make it IP but that would not naturally occur to me and feels very awkward.  Without the first line, I just read it naturally
theGIRL aroudWHOM heTOO LATEdis COVered  - this is a metric mish mash.  You could force it into IP but you would need to read it theGIRL aROUND whomHE tooLATE discCOvered but that promotion on HE would be painful - if the first line was forced, I could see you thinking "Hey, predominant meter" (Iactually read this a few times and can see a way it could be read as pyrrhic/spondee substitution which is considered a rather clever way of spicing up your IP which would be theGIRL aROUND whomhe TOOLATE disCOVered - I just don't know if it would ever naturally fall like that without some more previous setup)
MUCHof hisRE centMEN talFIGHT reSOLVED - here is your trochaic inversion which of course would be fine in a perfect ip poem 
wasalREAD yatHOME alREADy DRESSED - 4 feet - unless you are doing something very strange with already I cant see any way to make this 5 feet - say "already at home"
inWHAT theLADy oftheHOUSE hadLENT - 4 feet - not sure where you can even find the extra stress here - I suppose if you promote OF, but that would be unnatural and you would have mo reason to do that

anyway - being that there is no real standard IP here I never force promoted anything and read it as a natural English speaking human would


So - anyway, I am not sure how you are getting PERFECT IP here - maybe give it another pass.
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Messages In This Thread
A Sketch - by RiverNotch - 07-26-2026, 06:09 PM
RE: A Sketch - by matsunosuperfan - 07-27-2026, 12:50 AM
RE: A Sketch - by milo - 07-27-2026, 01:55 AM
RE: A Sketch - by matsunosuperfan - 07-27-2026, 02:28 AM
RE: A Sketch - by RiverNotch - 07-28-2026, 01:08 PM
RE: A Sketch - by milo - Yesterday, 01:52 PM
RE: A Sketch - by RiverNotch - Yesterday, 07:41 PM
RE: A Sketch - by milo - 11 hours ago
RE: A Sketch - by RiverNotch - 10 hours ago
RE: A Sketch - by milo - 10 hours ago
RE: A Sketch - by dukealien - Yesterday, 05:18 AM



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