v2. Disembodied

[matsunosuperfan]

Thank you! Made some edits with your crit in mind.

I like your edits. We are rounding into shape. 

For me the weakest bit is still the lines about "sublunary," where I feel too much narrative distance. I would like to be more directly confronted with the speaker's emotionality here. Maybe: 

And now that I can't even reach the edge
of the sublunary, can't tug its hem, it is clear
what was and was not dreamed. 

...something like that, y'know? It also better anticipates the shift into a more colloquial conversational register in the 2nd stanza. 

"gazes burned with apology" and "a raving barely understood" are so much more tactile than the lines they replaced, nice work