Men and Women

[matsunosuperfan]

Men and Women

Men and women differ. We desire
differently: one wishes for the moon
to take them back, the other aims and fires
at the unexplained, mistakes a loon’s
elastic crooning in the dark for sirens
chasing death across a dotted line
and barrels naked, dazed and dripping, shining
through the sheets into a field of columbine
and dreams. Men I don’t pretend to know—
their mouths that always somehow taste of honeycomb
and razor burn, the alcoholic’s sting—
women understand a bird. I think
I’d like to be one for a life or two
and drink the night alone, alone, alone.

The ending comes out of nowhere and knocks you over. It’s breathtaking.

It needs the three alones. That’s the song.

The section above these lines is nice, but not outstanding

Why? I’ll provide some more feedback time permitting but really, the last bit is the poem

Thank you both! The top half of this one is indeed pretty muddled, I think. Didn't really start cooking until the end. What to do about it? Time will tell, or at least, a girl can dream...