Patagonia

[matsunosuperfan]

Patagonia


The last of the giants lived on the eastern slopes 
of the southern tip of the Andes, far from the plains
most men of smaller stature called their home.

Every so often, he clambered down to sate
that most essential urge---not just to mate
but to beget---and since he only aged 

in myths, his youthful looks proved suit enough 
for those who’d heard of him: for those who’d not, 
he was untroubled by the odd abduction.

Still, there were certain lines he would not cross
by always preferring the shortest, the ones least likely
to be his seed, such that the nearby crop

depleted with every harvest---such that he found
whole tribes of men too tall---he had to stray
farther and farther, he had to lose his way,

he had to suppress the urge to head for home
and, in the end, he made it the only urge
his body could move to sate. When he returned,

it was no wonder his knees at once gave out:
he fell headlong to the earth, bursting his skull
and spilling the clumps of gold for which his seed
would, in a crueler epoch, be bled white.

Reworking this NaPM piece. I guess my last NaPM post wasn't the last one after all

I admit my ignorance of the project, but this is my favorite of these that you've posted for crit. The last stanza REALLY makes it. Without that turn, I would be mostly harrumphing here. But the knees giving out (wonderfully specific image) and the bursting skull really throw a backwards sheen of "wtf" on everything that transfigures the tale. Cool beans. 

"for which his seed would, in a crueler epoch, be bled white" is an unfortunate execution of the final gesture, notably the most awkward/calls-attention-to-itself syntax in the poem. I like the idea tho. 

Still think the first 4 stanzas or so could be dramatically condensed or made more immediately interesting.

I am otherwise mostly convinced by the handling of meter and incidental "rhyme," nice work.