Merry Go Round

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As a whole it is a random disjointed mess - as if it is trying hard to be a stream of consciousness but the narrator is a bad liar.

The whole is filled with so many red herrings in the name of creating imagery in interesting ways it creates an abundance of work for the reader without the payoff.  


zipper of a highway is fine - I don't know that it is that original but - how many ways can a highway be described I suppose.  The problem is - and it occurs over and over - the underlying image is irrelevant and rather than revelatory it seeks to obfuscate but to what end.  Are sippers, poppy seeds, living flesh (yuck), folding chairs, herons, etc important to the central metaphor or just less inconvenient ways of saying what you are thinking.  This is what I mean by red herrings.


stream of human traffic is probably cliche.  Actually - and I am not sure about this part - it is probably another red herring as everyone knows what human traffic is yet I see no  evidence of it resolving to that.  With the vein-poppy-human traffic references (and later dope references) I assume the narrator is a junkie but if so they are a tangential junkie as it never becomes important (as far as I can tell, perhaps the whole is a peyote dream)


I feel it continues in this vein (did I just make a pun?  I can't even tell at his point)  without a payoff of any sort.  Is there a horse?  A dog?  Both?  Did the dog turn into a horse?  Is horse another name for heroin?  I like an aspect of mystery in a poem and am a firm believer a narrator should exist within their mythos without explaining it just feels a little overdone to me.

Thanks for posting

Thanks for reading. Yes, I agree this is just too manic and doesn't amount to much. I am trying to let the rope out, will keep trying.

Perhaps there is a central metaphor that is the key to unlocking the whole and I am just not getting it for some reason - perhaps give me a clue and I will give it another shot

your guess as good as mine...