to someone beautiful and tired

[wasellajam]

Thanks for the feedback!

This poem really started as part of a quick sonnet writing exercise (8/6 rather than 4/4/4/2 – my continental European is showing). I still like the idea of a sonnet that’s kind of about the opposite of a sonnet’s usual subject (how beautiful and desirable the addressee is) – or rather about the addressee’s struggles with that ‘desirability’. So, I want to keep some of (or at least some kind of allusion to) the original form and its classic conventions. By the way, this has to be sth that loads of people have already done. Can anyone think of some good examples?

I also like the idea of a second more intimate voice that breaks up the form and adds some tension.
I tried incorporating your feedback (re: unnatural syntax, some of the forced rhymes & specificity) and ran with that idea in my edit. Let me know what you think

I’ll read your edit tomorrow, just want to say there are a ton of modern sonnets all over the site. You might start in the practice threads, here,