1 hour ago
Hi, welcome to the Pen. Effective poem, you might consider a slight trim.
Thanks for the read. Happy to have you here, check your PMs
(Today, 08:32 AM)piscui Wrote: Sea, swallow meJust a few things to think about. Here at the Pen even when we don't do we try at least to say.
sea, swallow me
embrace me, hug me tight
dont bring me back to the shore
this time
ill forget how to swim Have you thought about the subtle change in meaning if you drop "how"?
nonetheless ill be choking This line might be stronger as just "choking",
with the volume of the things
i never say
and crushed
by the weight of the things
i do not do
Thanks for the read. Happy to have you here, check your PMs