Sea, Swallow me

[Deor Ana Log]

Sea, swallow me

sea, swallow me nice use of alliteration
embrace me, hug me tight starts out like a lullaby, if this was intentional then taking syllable stress into account would help
dont bring me back to the shore I would love to hear about the shore
this time mention a specific time here
ill forget how to swim Capitalize 'I' here

nonetheless ill be choking Capitalize 'I' here, and you could say 'I choke' instead
with the volume of the things A throwaway line, could be in another poem
i never say Capitalize 'I' here
and crushed needs further description
by the weight of the things Which things?
i do not do Capitalize 'I' here

a great intro to writing style, but it is just that - an intro. Thanks for Sharing!