Yesterday, 07:43 PM
Nice concept and argument, but for the section:
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew
are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
Personally I would have laid this out differrently:
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew are had in life,
spent sourly making bandit barons kings.
as the break between 'crew' and 'are' is actually a weak one semantically, so it maybe doesn't deserve a blank line that could be interpreted as a stanza break. It seems to me that the final image of this fragment is actually strengthened by this re-arrangement, and it also seems to run more smoothly if read aloud.
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew
are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
Personally I would have laid this out differrently:
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew are had in life,
spent sourly making bandit barons kings.
as the break between 'crew' and 'are' is actually a weak one semantically, so it maybe doesn't deserve a blank line that could be interpreted as a stanza break. It seems to me that the final image of this fragment is actually strengthened by this re-arrangement, and it also seems to run more smoothly if read aloud.