about a real event

[Luckieman]

Seven years on
 
The ancient ash tree fell
quietly: its hollow shell,
lately the home of bees,
bereft of its past might.
 
(They, being wise,
a month before departed
knowing it had died).
 
Two centuries it stood
and now it rests
prone, year on year:
a lair for creeping things.
Reluctant to descend at last
into eternal night.

Hi, Luckiman, welcome to the Pen!

I think this poem lands where it aims: respect, loss, resignation. Living under a mixed forest in a time of ash borers this poem hit my heart. Some notes:

Taking the thread label at its word I have an issue with “quietly”. I’ve heard a wide variety of sounds when they fall but have never experienced a two hundred year old tree falling quietly. The only way I can think of is the “If a tree falls and no one hears does it make a sound?”. I don’t think that’s what the poem has in mind and even if it did, quietly reads off to me, I think you could find a better word there.

Love the hollow and those smart bees. Eternal night is cliched, you can do better there.

Thanks for posting, I enjoyed the read.

Thanks for your comments wasellajam. Silently might not have been the optimum word. The quite massive 3 ft diameter tree actually fell with a relatively quiet whooshing sound rather than a crash (I was standing by it about 50ft away!), as it was entirely hollowed out by rot leaving a shell only about 3 inches thick, and its extensive small branches hitting the ground retarded its collapse. Can you suggest a better word that would fit the meter (3 syllables)? I'm open to any suggestions. (maybe 'suddenly'? The event was unexpected.)

' Eternal night is cliched ' - right! Thanks.

BTW, I note this forum is supposedly for 'beginners', but aren't we all beginners? 'For life is short and the art is long'. I've been writing for some 60 years but I've never had any siginficant objective feedback (until now maybe).