8 hours ago
this is one of your more immediately comprehensible offerings. I find the ending massively rewarding, huge payoff there.
personally could do without the preamble, which introduces all sorts of subtext that I struggle to parse, and also feels distasteful with the hebephilia joke. Irony be damned, gives me the heebie jeebies. Maybe the point, but hard to see what that point is beyond a vague edgelord giggle sensibility.
rhythm goes a long way to making much of this lyric work. the first two lines scan in parallel, which sets the tone. "You seem like you're a nice guy" says the speaker, shaking hands with Death - this is the vibe, and I am here for it.
around "point to glow from" I feel too many beats are missing, it throws me off. caesura seems intentional but, nevertheless, my mild irritation persisted.
perhaps
as fictional as the self
for anything real to happen
could be a strong insertion, an extra pop of internal semiotics.
think stronger lineation for the ending sequence might be
true, anything can happen
anyway
with or without a point
as I enjoy the effect of "anyway" floating on its own line, and keeping the logical packet of "with or without a point" as a single semantic unit makes sense to me
but the repeated "even love," man, what a move. and it lands like Kerri Strug.
personally could do without the preamble, which introduces all sorts of subtext that I struggle to parse, and also feels distasteful with the hebephilia joke. Irony be damned, gives me the heebie jeebies. Maybe the point, but hard to see what that point is beyond a vague edgelord giggle sensibility.
rhythm goes a long way to making much of this lyric work. the first two lines scan in parallel, which sets the tone. "You seem like you're a nice guy" says the speaker, shaking hands with Death - this is the vibe, and I am here for it.
around "point to glow from" I feel too many beats are missing, it throws me off. caesura seems intentional but, nevertheless, my mild irritation persisted.
perhaps
as fictional as the self
for anything real to happen
could be a strong insertion, an extra pop of internal semiotics.
think stronger lineation for the ending sequence might be
true, anything can happen
anyway
with or without a point
as I enjoy the effect of "anyway" floating on its own line, and keeping the logical packet of "with or without a point" as a single semantic unit makes sense to me
but the repeated "even love," man, what a move. and it lands like Kerri Strug.