A ballad
#5
(09-22-2026, 10:35 PM)Luckieman Wrote:  Trial by Water

'You tell me all your roving years
you've had no love but me.
Look, then, on this mirror lake,
and tell me what you see.'  …. I don’t understand how L3 and 4 follow from L1 and 2. What does looking at the face support or contradict anything?
'I see but my own face, my dear,
green branches, empty skies...' …. This is a good line 
'Nought else?
Why then these trembling hands,
that dead light in your eyes?'
'Ophelia, Ophelia...'
the wild bird taunting cries.
The narrator couldn’t be more different to the Ophelia who went mad muttering “he’s dead / gone to his death bed”. This isn’t Ophelia, this is someone pretending to be Ophelia. That’s my first problem with the poem - it lacks any degree of authenticity.
The schizophrenic dialogue is similarly fake. There is one good line in the poem, however.

In short, this reads like a poem trying too hard to be a poem.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
A ballad - by Luckieman - 09-22-2026, 10:35 PM
RE: A ballad - by Deor Ana Log - 09-22-2026, 11:56 PM
RE: A ballad - by Luckieman - 09-23-2026, 12:11 AM
RE: A ballad - by matsunosuperfan - 09-23-2026, 05:04 AM
RE: A ballad - by busker - 09-23-2026, 08:25 PM
RE: A ballad - by Luckieman - Yesterday, 03:16 AM
RE: A ballad - by busker - Yesterday, 03:31 AM
RE: A ballad - by Luckieman - Yesterday, 03:46 AM
RE: A ballad - by busker - Yesterday, 03:52 AM
RE: A ballad - by matsunosuperfan - Yesterday, 07:15 AM
RE: A ballad - by milo - Yesterday, 11:07 AM
RE: A ballad - by Luckieman - Yesterday, 04:05 PM
RE: A ballad - by milo - Yesterday, 07:58 PM
RE: A ballad - by Luckieman - Yesterday, 08:20 PM
RE: A ballad - by milo - Yesterday, 08:35 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!