Haiku (It's never enough!)
#6
(09-26-2026, 10:43 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  Implied: "this is not a haiku"
curious why you come to this conclusion Smile

thank you for reading i appreciate the feedback and kind words
It seems more like a senryu to me as it deals more with human emotion and a human observation of the physical world.

The enjambment on the first line which leads to two possible implications of 'I cry' is a poetic device that is not 'usually' used in haiku/senryu they rely more on concrete images to convey a meaning.

For me, there is no cut, no 'aha' moment providing a revelation. There is also no kigo (season word) which are usually present within haiku and senryu.

The syllable count is of little importance to me when it comes haiku/senryu, people get too hung up on that as being the main aspect. I do however think that these ku poems should be as close to possible as a 'one breath' poem, this would be closer in essence to the original Japanese format of 5-7-5 onji. Where onji are slightly different to syllables, so 5-7-5 onji would be more like 3-5-3 in syllables.

That said, I don't class it as a haiku so I don't have any issues with any of this. 

You could turn it into something more resembling a traditional haiku/senryu :

the kitten
plays in my shoe
- i cry

now it's a senryu without a season word, but like I said before it's not as good as your original.
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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Messages In This Thread
Haiku (It's never enough!) - by matsunosuperfan - 06-30-2026, 01:20 AM
RE: Haiku (It's never enough!) - by Magpie - 09-25-2026, 07:25 PM
RE: Haiku (It's never enough!) - by Magpie - 09-26-2026, 12:59 PM
RE: Haiku (It's never enough!) - by brynmawr1 - 09-26-2026, 11:38 AM
RE: Haiku (It's never enough!) - by milo - 09-26-2026, 11:51 AM



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