another ballad

[busker]

Just been thrown off another forum (for 'professional' poets) within 30 seconds of posting this ballad, so I'll try here instead;

Song of the Lunatic Pilgrim

All round my hat I wear the green willow
and on my feet the sandal shoon,
for lost am I, who through leafless boughs
looked on old Mother Moon.
I followed the track of the swan on the lake
and, in the wind that blew
among the whispering rushes there
this rose I picked for you.
This rose has thorns both sharp and fine … a rose amid the rushes?
to prick your finger deep and sore,
but though your blood be hot as fire
you'll never see me more.  …. Why?
For round my hat I wear the green willow
and on my feet the sandal shoon,
and lost am I, who through leafless boughs
looked on old Mother Moon.

For a lunatic, the narrator is too self aware.
There is a surfeit of knowing cliches - the lake with its obligatory swans, the rushes, the rose with the thorn, the moon, the leafless boughs. I have never seen a rose bush grow in the rushes. Even if they’re to be found, they wouldn’t be very common. 

The refrain comes too soon. No context is provided for why the lost lunatic pilgrim is any one of the three. In As You Like It, the play provided the context for Under the Greenwood Tree. The poem needs to either be longer, or lose the cliches.