"Poemy" voice

[wasellajam]

I think you've just expressed the translation process very clearly. The right brain deals in images, which have to be conveyed by the left brain in words and structures. It's almost certainly an iterative process unless the work product is very short. I woke up yesteday to a five line poem entire and finshed, but that's probably about as much as can be completed in one throw. And I find revision really needs to wait until the right brain takes off for another flight, otherwise I amend and revert (tinkering). The danger is letting the left brain take command instead of being your assistant, as then the right brain shuts down and no more images emerge. I guess this is what frequently leads to mismatch between message and form.

"The danger is letting the left brain take command instead of being your assistant, as then the right brain shuts down and no more images emerge."

ha, this. There's also the danger of incoherence when the right brain runs untethered, but that's easier to fix, at least for me.

Sorry, matsuno, I'm not sure we're addressing your original dilemma anymore. Or maybe I sidetracked the thread from the start. But if you apply it to Luckie's left brain theory, that poemsy voice might be the thing to let go of. With your strong out of the box images one might think that wouldn't be the issue but the striving might be in the way of letting it all come together. Just a thought.

Yes Ella - the right brian always flies untethered because tethered ducks can't fly, and the results are commonly incoherent (as in dreams) at least at first. The poetic craft is in the translation - the first phase of which is akin to the art of the photographer rather than that of the painter. The painter can include or exclude anything they want, whereas the photographer is stuck with what's actually there, and so has to select a viewpoint that emphasises the important. It's partly a process of filtration to arrive at coherence.

'Poemy voice' can be construed win two ways. Either it expresses a genuine failed attempt at expression by using rationally, as opposed to intuitively, selected imagery that doesn't fit an intuitively generated idea (and most of such imagery is well worn), or it can be used as an expression of contempt for style one just doesn't like.

As far as I've come to undestand in some six decades of writing, if the choice of expression is to fit the message properly it must be selected from the widest possible range of alternatives, not constrained by rules or prejudices about what's 'legitimate'. Which is why an assiduous poet's work improves with age - the tool kit from which to draw expression and form enlarges with experience.

I like the painter vs photographer. A painter can actually completely cover the initial thought and come out with a keeper. Not so with a photo or poem, born with an essence that needs to survive in the final product. Agree that style predjudice is unhelpful and not as much fun. Then again, sometimes we rule out what has never been successful for us, another sign of aging which sometimes is beneficial, sometimes not so much.