another ballad

[Luckieman]

The moon as a source of lunacy is well understood, though it’s not meaningful when the source of the madness is rejection. The myth is pointless.
Everything else you mentioned is reaching, not sufficiently borne out by the poem, nor particularly interesting.

The source of the madness isn't the rejection - it's looking at the moon through the branches, which is sacrilege. Sorry, I think I made the whole premise too complicated.

My favorite poems ever are ones I had to work at a bit so I don't think overcomplicating by itself is a cardinal sin in poetry - as long s you leave a key so the astute reader can figure it out, that should be enough.

Now . . . because I couldn't resist responding to this I am forced by honor to go back and read it and leave substantial feedback.

Dammit - foiled again.

Maybe it needs some clearer explanation. Looking at the full moon through leaflesss branches is dangerous. Either Black Anis pounces and you're dead or you go mad and are forced to wander for the rest of your life. He goes mad, which makes his lady abandon him, hence the green willow (as in Othello) which is both the mark of a rejected lover and an attempt to propitiate the moon goddess, to whom willow is sacred. But the guy (already mad now, hence the incongruous source of the rose) wants to get back at his ex-lady for dumping him so he visits her one last time and hands her the wounding flower. That's about it - maybe too complicated?

---

So, I read a few times, shrugged and moved on. I read the crit but not the responses. But this caught me:

The source of the madness isn't the rejection - it's looking at the moon through the branches, which is sacrilege. Sorry, I think I made the whole premise too complicated.

because when my mom with Parkinsonian delusions saw a nonexistent parade out her window I sat in her chair and realized her brain was trying to make sense of the shapes between the branches and leaves.

So I gave the poem another try, looking up green willow and shoon and having more room for the imagery. Some notes.

Just been thrown off another forum (for 'professional' poets) within 30 seconds of posting this ballad, so I'll try here instead;

Song of the Lunatic Pilgrim

All round my hat I wear the green willow
and on my feet the sandal shoon,
Even accepting shoon I can't buy sandal shoon. Strappy shoon, well-worn shoon, leather shoon, anything but the repeated meaning.
for lost am I, who through leafless boughs
looked on old Mother Moon.
I followed the track of the swan on the lake
and, in the wind that blew
among the whispering rushes there
this rose I picked for you.
This is a beautiful sentence, I'm okay with a wild rose among rushes.
This rose has thorns both sharp and fine
to prick your finger deep and sore,
but though your blood be hot as fire
you'll never see me more.
Meh, I can't get over the cliche, intentional or not.
For round my hat I wear the green willow
and on my feet the sandal shoon,
and lost am I, who through leafless boughs
looked on old Mother Moon.
Fine with the ending.

So, I did in the end read it with as much commitment as I could and am on the fence if what I like is worth it. I'll read your responses now and see if I can get where you're aiming. My guess is I'll be surprised. Thanks for posting.

"sandal shoon" - Hamlet, act 4 scene 5, Ophelia sings 'How should I your true love know? ...'

"This rose has thorns both sharp and fine
to prick your finger deep and sore,
but though your blood be hot as fire
you'll never see me more."

which bit's the cliche?

many thanks for taking this seriously.