another ballad

[Luckieman]

So, I read a few times, shrugged and moved on. I read the crit but not the responses. But this caught me:
because when my mom with Parkinsonian delusions saw a nonexistent parade out her window I sat in her chair and realized her brain was trying to make sense of the shapes between the branches and leaves.

So I gave the poem another try, looking up green willow and shoon and having more room for the imagery. Some notes.


So, I did in the end read it with as much commitment as I could and am on the fence if what I like is worth it. I'll read your responses now and see if I can get where you're aiming. My guess is I'll be surprised. Thanks for posting.

"sandal shoon" - Hamlet, act 4 scene 5, Ophelia sings 'How should I your true love know? ...'

"This rose has thorns both sharp and fine
to prick your finger deep and sore,
but though your blood be hot as fire
you'll never see me more."

which bit's the cliche?

many thanks for taking this seriously.

Ha, no luck getting close. I just got shoon as shoes and green willow as mourning. Unlike some other members here, I don't have a head full of Shakespeare, those days are long past and I never knew it by heart, maybe Juliet in the sixth grade. I usually pass over the drenched in allusion poems.

The whole rose/thorn, hot-blooded reads cliche to me, you may have better luck with milo.
And just because Shakespeare wrote sandal shoon that doesn't make it right.

I guess this is the sort of poem that needs 'notes', although to me that wrecks the whole thing - making it a matter of analysis rather than appreciation. About a quarter of my library is dedicated to poetry, plays, mythology and such stuff, so maybe I take that too much for granted, assuming everyone will have the same background.