A Sleight of Hand
#5
(Yesterday, 07:31 AM)PoMo Wrote:  A Sleight of Hand:

rugs wither
the sky has sunk —
segue backwards, frozen sun
the whisper glitters,
mesmerizing lustre —
pristine, yet opaque

Please provide feedback and an overall rating. I appreciate it.
It feels like the poem wants to be read impressionistic so I receive it as a word-painting. I love the sound and tactical surfaces of the first two lines, those thudding "ug" "unk" "ther" syllables are so chewy. An unctuous image. Sets a particular mood, too. We are not having fun, maybe!

The rest isn't rousing much energy for me. L3 is near incomprehensible. L4 who or what is whispering, and how does it glitter? I feel more confused than transported or productively provoked. 

Last two lines feel like an overly precious attempt at summary.

I dislike  number ratings but a request is a request, so:
As a whole, 4/10.
Keep only the first two lines as a miniature, 7/10.
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Messages In This Thread
A Sleight of Hand - by PoMo - Yesterday, 07:31 AM
RE: A Sleight of Hand - by CRNDLSM - Yesterday, 08:42 AM
RE: A Sleight of Hand - by PoMo - Yesterday, 09:09 AM
RE: A Sleight of Hand - by CRNDLSM - 10 hours ago
RE: A Sleight of Hand - by matsunosuperfan - 1 hour ago



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