Yesterday, 04:19 PM
Hi Harry - as you’ve not posted it in the critical fora I’m not sure if you’re looking for feedback to improve this piece. But I’m providing some anyway.
I like the first four lines. The flower between pressed pages is a bit of a cliche at this point, but still works. The poem meanders thereafter. The metaphor of the heart as a book that you read is not sustained from there on and it becomes a jumble of other, disparate metaphors.
Thanks for posting
My suggestion would be for you to stick to one metaphor and develop it.
I like the first four lines. The flower between pressed pages is a bit of a cliche at this point, but still works. The poem meanders thereafter. The metaphor of the heart as a book that you read is not sustained from there on and it becomes a jumble of other, disparate metaphors.
Thanks for posting
My suggestion would be for you to stick to one metaphor and develop it.