Crown Royal

[busker]

Very uneven. Tries to do too much with irony and often ends up just feeling like weak apologetics ("If I say something about cliche, it makes it OK to use a bunch of cliches")

Poem is partly "we are so clever" but then seems to betray the speaker's genuine investment in garden variety self-pity and hackneyed "fiery affair" tropes. So the efforts at cleverness are ultimately unconvincing.

First stanza maybe the best, simple and feels real. Good rhythm. Evocative image and convincing vernacular l

S2-4 very hard to stay interested. Ready to tune out by end of S4. Speaker has convinced me I don't want to put my fate in their hands. They will say something boring and irritating like "the twitch of your hips sang with lust."

The "most of the time" digression is another highlight, though. Whenever the speaker becomes more conversational and less woebegone confessional, I get more interested. Maybe follow that energy and ditch some of the more melodramatic whiny bits.

Appreciate it, but this is just me and my thoughts, slightly intoxicated

Not sure how to receive this comment. Should I not bother investing time in offering critique on your poems? Are you just posting here to vent?

Technically, the Misc section is a non critical forum, and it’s ok to post there and not care about feedback.
As long as the trickle doesn’t become a flood, it’s ok.

@HarryD - think about what you want out of the forum, though.