Borzoi
#3
(Today, 06:15 AM)hylas Wrote:  Borzoi

Loping like a ghost along the wet black pavement,
the white dog is trotting on beside the gutter full
of moon-beams and blossom and delicate
orbs that are the images of skulls of mannequin
all leering like corpses from the sex-shop front.
“Trotting” doesn’t quite work for me here
The image will be a flash. A dog trotting past one particular stretch of road where N can see the reflection of a shopfront in the gutter. It’s a sports photograph. 

And how many things is he seeing in the gutter from N’s angle of vision?

The only way this could remotely work is if it’s a poem about a painting or a photograph.

Maybe lose the gutter and the reflection and just make it a dog trotting past a sex shop. But then you lose the moonbeams. Maybe make it a snail or a dead dog.
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Messages In This Thread
Borzoi - by hylas - Today, 06:15 AM
RE: Borzoi - by matsunosuperfan - Today, 06:18 AM
RE: Borzoi - by busker - Today, 07:18 AM



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