Yesterday, 06:40 AM
This is really gripping from the jump, good hooks all over the place. Strong metaphor to open things off and set the tone somewhere between wonder and bewilderment. I enjoy the way each line adds a new wrinkle to the fabric of the scene: migraine, dad, Ali, Manila, hypnotherapist, and then the turn at "nursing home." A lot of convincing elements of craft in this one.
"checking his roster" is a lovely subtle detail that hints at a lot going on behind the scenes
maybe there is room for even a little more of such pregnant suggestivity
I think the last line could be stronger. For me it closes the poem when I am looking to be invited to expand outward instead.
"checking his roster" is a lovely subtle detail that hints at a lot going on behind the scenes
maybe there is room for even a little more of such pregnant suggestivity
I think the last line could be stronger. For me it closes the poem when I am looking to be invited to expand outward instead.