10-26-2010, 04:49 PM
Interesting piece, with a great mood in it. I think it's about a funeral/graveyard? Though I could be mistaken.
I noticed several words were capitalized (Sun, Witnesses, Air, Mound, etc). Was this a stylistic choice? Also, I'd be careful of some of the word choices (in the first verse third line, I don't think "clatter" is the word you want). But overall, there's a fascinating air to the scenario that I enjoyed.
Thanks very much for posting this
I noticed several words were capitalized (Sun, Witnesses, Air, Mound, etc). Was this a stylistic choice? Also, I'd be careful of some of the word choices (in the first verse third line, I don't think "clatter" is the word you want). But overall, there's a fascinating air to the scenario that I enjoyed.
Thanks very much for posting this
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?