10-26-2010, 05:12 PM
As a haiku, you have to keep the snapshot of the moment as trim and direct as possible. So in the second line you could instead say "into cool clear water" or something like that so it doesn't sound like you're speaking of another subject or belaboring the point.
That said, just imagining this scenario made me smile.
That said, just imagining this scenario made me smile.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?