The Fall

[ckeo]

interesting mood piece... you could glimpse a thread of narrative, but mostly you just give the reader fleeting impressions (i enjoyed the last two lines the most... imo they were the most effective). One suggestion I have is to change the word "riveted"... it's an adjective, doesn't really fit in with the other first words of your lines which are simple, self-evident, and sparse. Just imo

Thank you Addy... I will search for a replacement for riveted