Hi Craig,
When I see sparse images like this. I think that the poem is supposed to deliver a mood. I think you do that here at points, but I think you can push it even further. I'm about to take some liberties to demonstrate what I mean (take this more as an example than a rewrite of your poem. If you do make cuts you know what's most important). I just hope a different view might be helpful. Here goes:
Best,
Todd
When I see sparse images like this. I think that the poem is supposed to deliver a mood. I think you do that here at points, but I think you can push it even further. I'm about to take some liberties to demonstrate what I mean (take this more as an example than a rewrite of your poem. If you do make cuts you know what's most important). I just hope a different view might be helpful. Here goes:
(07-22-2011, 12:29 PM)todd edit Wrote: cold willow whisperAgain drastic I know (I do sort of like cold willow whisper though). That said, I hope it might help you see this from another angle.
golden thought despair
hollow ground sink
golden sorrow blanket
root eternal ground
leaf rustle sound
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson