The Dark Rode (1st revision)

The Dark Rode (1st revision)

Leanne Offline

R.I.P.

Posts: 1,568
Threads: 317
Joined: Jun 2011

#10

08-20-2011, 06:56 AM

"Bespoken wheels" is much better Smile

For meter, you could try "in the rut he rides".

I'm afraid I'm with Todd on the ending though, I really liked the original and feel that was much stronger.

It could be worse

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Messages In This Thread

The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by ckeo - 08-16-2011, 07:00 PM

RE: The Dark Rode - by Todd - 08-17-2011, 04:50 AM

RE: The Dark Rode - by Leanne - 08-17-2011, 05:03 AM

RE: The Dark Rode - by ckeo - 08-17-2011, 05:50 AM

RE: The Dark Rode - by addy - 08-17-2011, 09:25 AM

RE: The Dark Rode - by billy - 08-17-2011, 10:10 AM

RE: The Dark Rode - by abu nuwas - 08-18-2011, 03:24 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by billy - 08-18-2011, 05:37 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by Todd - 08-18-2011, 05:50 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by Leanne - 08-20-2011, 06:56 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by abu nuwas - 08-20-2011, 07:22 PM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by Wildcard - 09-05-2011, 01:00 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by billy - 09-05-2011, 06:00 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by Wildcard - 09-05-2011, 07:57 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by billy - 09-05-2011, 08:30 AM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by Wildcard - 09-05-2011, 10:09 PM

RE: The Dark Rode (1st revision) - by grannyjill - 09-08-2011, 07:07 PM

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