Contrast

[Leanne]

it hid itself, within itself so dense
congealed. embedded, marbled sky contains
misshapen pillows roaming constantly.
The wetness of the gusts is shiver-fuel

a breach of heaven's mood provides a ray,
the misty synthesis of sun and air:
an iridescent specter arching low.
the beings gazing up so gratefully

ok, you bossy bastard :fing:... your iambs are actually pretty perfect, and you're right to want to keep them neat and tidy... if you wanted to be tricky, you could try:

an iridescent specter arching low-
ly beings gazing up so gratefully

I'm not entirely sold on "provides" in the first line of S2... perhaps "reveals"?

(I just thought I should copy the text of the poem to the end of the thread, since somehow things seem to have become slightly muddied...)