Opportunist

[heslopian]

I'm in two minds about this poem. On the one hand it conveys some very strong images which are both subtle and affecting. On the other I feel said images could be conveyed much better. There are times when this becomes not so much a poem but a jumble of words. But there's a solid centre which I think can be revealed with some serious trimming. For instance:

Eyes hooded crow
perches nonchalant
on fencepost
knows his shotgun
from his staff
oh yes.

Crow with hooded eyes
perches nonchalantly on fence.
He knows his shotgun from his staff.
Oh yes.

Woman in repose
on bench
watches lizard
bask
eyes half closed.

Woman in repose on bench
watches lizard bask,
its eyes half closed.

Shadow brushes grass
rustling quills cross-hatch
lizard erased
from picture.

Shadow brushes grass.
Quills rustle.
Lizard erased from picture.

Woman licks lips
contemplates
changed dynamic

Woman licks lips.
Contemplates changed dynamic.
.

These are all just suggestions of course. Thanks for the read Ca ne fait rien.

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please keep constructive feedback to a minimum in the novice fora please/mod