09-22-2011, 05:26 AM
Hello,
I've seen you around the site some, but haven't commented on anything of yours yet. Welcome!
It feels like what you're trying to do here on some level is connect the person to the creature. I think you deliberately use the lack of punctuation in some parts to make the (unseen) farmer like the crow and the woman like the lizard. At least that was my take away. My favorite part of the poem is S3 all four of the lines are great. I'm not sure if I'm fully sold on the dropping of articles such as not having an "a" before fencepost. It gives it a nice stripped down feel but it also points to itself too directly that one is reading a poem. That said, it's only a minor style concern. I do like what you're doing here. I think your imagery and use of language is original and held my interest.
I look forward to reading more of you.
Best,
Todd
I've seen you around the site some, but haven't commented on anything of yours yet. Welcome!
It feels like what you're trying to do here on some level is connect the person to the creature. I think you deliberately use the lack of punctuation in some parts to make the (unseen) farmer like the crow and the woman like the lizard. At least that was my take away. My favorite part of the poem is S3 all four of the lines are great. I'm not sure if I'm fully sold on the dropping of articles such as not having an "a" before fencepost. It gives it a nice stripped down feel but it also points to itself too directly that one is reading a poem. That said, it's only a minor style concern. I do like what you're doing here. I think your imagery and use of language is original and held my interest.
I look forward to reading more of you.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson