09-26-2011, 03:39 AM
ignorance amplifies
grievances beyond reason.
he who could've been
a brother dies.
Really like these lines and the way you have expressed them- I think the line breaks are just right to give depth and layed meaning.
Not that dislike the reast of the poem, but these lines resonate particularly.
It is a powerfully written piece, hard and violent without glory. I have no suggestions for improvement.
grievances beyond reason.
he who could've been
a brother dies.
Really like these lines and the way you have expressed them- I think the line breaks are just right to give depth and layed meaning.
Not that dislike the reast of the poem, but these lines resonate particularly.
It is a powerfully written piece, hard and violent without glory. I have no suggestions for improvement.